…and out came a Bottled Up Happiness Slam

Everyone expects that there is some grand transcendent answer to the meaning of life. A recipe for happiness… As though it is some majestic pursuit; that if you are not seeking it you are denying it, condemning yourself to a future of unfulfilled desires and a life unlived.

 And we fail. We fail to realise that in the pursuit of a life of purpose the purpose is to live life. This life the one we are in right now. Not some future life where our planets are lined up, everything matches and life is in perfect order and harmony because we are fulfilling our life purpose.

No the meaning of life is to live this life, this breath, this moment we are in… with the unpaid bills and the sick kids and the dying parents and the boss from hell and the job that fills a need but leaves you empty. It is this life where the neighbour’s dog barks all night and the garbage man refuses to pick up your mal sorted recycling. It is this life.

The secret that isn’t a secret at all, is to give yourself to this very moment.  Realise that everything you have thought, everything that has happened to you up to this very moment in time has brought you to this place. That in this exact breath you are exactly where you are meant to be.

And maybe it is because you have a job to do or maybe it is because your job is done. Maybe it’s because your grand purpose in life has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe your grand purpose is to be a cog, may be you are a stepping stone for some other person to achieve some monumental accomplishment for humanity.

Your destiny is not up to your design, your purpose is your birthright and the longer you fight what you are to be, to accomplish something you imagine you should be, the longer you  fight against the universe in an effort to fulfill what you perceive as your quest you will be denied, denied happiness, riches of spirit and life, peace, calm and clarity.

You are one microscopic speck in the universe; you cannot believe that this journey is solely about you. This journey is about a big picture a picture that includes you. A picture to which you are vital and integral, but you don’t get to choose your part, your role, your calling. That is predestined.

And some people know this and they struggle with impatience. They know they have purpose, that they are not just an enigma taking up space and using up oxygen. And they want to know, they are impatient and chase after what they imagine their purpose must be and they call themselves unhappy because the future never reveals itself despite peeling at the layers of themselves and digging deeper and deeper into their being to discover what they are to become they fail to realise that this moment, this breath is all they need. They forget that happiness is found in hugging your children and loving your spouse and giving your effort to the job at hand. That at this moment your entire purpose on this earth is to devote yourself to just this breath. Do this. Give everything you’ve got to the very minute you are in.  I promise you no one reaches the end of their journey yelling “WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT!”  If that were true we would not mourn those that leave us or celebrate those who arrive.

Live this breath, breath it in. Let it fill you with hope. Greet every opportunity with enthusiasm; face every challenge before you with conviction and determination to see the other side of its trouble. Love every person who comes into your life, they are there for a reason. Praise those who leave your life they have left impressions, fossils on your soul that will be discovered in time. Believe that nothing happens out of context or without purpose.

How bold we are to believe that in a world filled with billions of people that we are the one chosen to impact it all. Our world has become so small that we believe we are huge, mega capable, that our market is reachable and crowded with people but what if it isn’t? What if your sole purpose in this life, your role in the equation is to help just a single person? Perhaps some person you do not even know, maybe a person who, without a second thought, you have erased completely from your memory before the lingering scent of their perfume has left the room.  What if your role is something as incremental as letting a stranger take your place in line at the grocery store or cancelling a dentist appointment? What if that is your piece. What if our reach is a far as the end of our fingertips?

You may go to your grave never knowing what great thing your existence in this life has sparked and that will be okay. That is not to say don’t dream. Do dream, do plan, do fantasize a future but do not make your happiness dependent upon it. Draft a future. Not something rigid and demanding, dream something, weave it like lace with a pattern open to the possibilities, challenges, opportunities and the souls life is going to place in your path. They are gifts. Capture them and work them into the fabric. Set your intentions but do not attach your happiness to them.

Happiness is fastened to this moment. Give yourself permission to live the breath you are in. Fully. Completely. Use up every scrap of oxygen it contains. Loving completely the people you are with at that moment you are in, committing to make their time with you memorable to the extent that those memories, on a bad day, on a day when you can’t be there to hold a hand and share a smile will sustain them through their trials. Commit to embrace this very moment, it is the only one you are guaranteed and the secret of happiness is that. It is hiding in the very act of making the very most of the single breath you are in.

Where the Victory Hides

At some point we all have to come back down to earth. For our son E, and I imagine the rest of the boys on his hockey team, it will be a slow return. It’s not been a banner season, not in terms of wins anyway, it has however been a season of great victory and this past weekend in Niagara on the Lake proved just how much this group of boys has won.

We are at the end of our regular league season. Our record is 2 wins, 2 ties and a stack of loses. Those are the stats and even though I am only a 2nd year rookie hockey mom and far from educated about the game, I understand those stats aren’t pretty.

Heading to the March Break tournament we were promised three games and that, in all honesty, is all any of us (parents anyway) expected. By the time we hit game four; the semi-final game, the pangs of parental guilt for believing secretly and not so secretly that we would never had made it so far were visible on almost every face. In our defense our team came out of nowhere, playing solid hockey like we hadn’t seen all season; skating, digging, passing, back checking, defending the net and taking away scoring chances (these are all terms I have memorized and will someday understand) Where did this team come from?

They came from playing get-to-know you street hockey and mini-sticks, eating hamburgers and playing video games. They came from a great afternoon of pond hockey against their Coaches and their Dads. This team came from hanging out in the pool and old school road hockey in the hotel parking lot. They came from hours hanging out at the Hockey Loft, competing against one another in targets and time trials and goofing off during the free skate of on-ice practice. You could see they emerged from joining together to change a family’s Christmas and from eating pancakes and bacon after a morning of big show hockey at Ranger’s Nation. They came from great Coaches who were as much a part of the team as the leaders of it.  Those boys who went into the final game came from cheering loud and proud for their hometown Kitchener Rangers and dancing Gangnom style in the dressing room. They brought it all to the ice and you could feel it, their energy, their ‘Team’. They brought it all to the win! They won, and I would be remise if I didn’t exclaim it was exhilarating, thrilling and emotional, even more so because of where the win came from.

I’m not going to lie; watching games throughout the season has been painful at times. I cheer and smile and silently think to myself ‘come on guys – when are you going to get it together’ and I am feeling rather small at the moment for failing to see that they were getting it together the whole time, that it simply wasn’t recognizable until it looked like winning.

That may be one of the saddest things about becoming an adult I think; in the land of grown-ups and grown-up jobs the focus is all on the result, on the win, it’s how we measure success. Sure we strive to recognize the efforts along the way but we fail to celebrate them as the other victory.

Play-offs are coming up for our boys, they are going in on a high note riding the wave of victory not only as champions of a recent tournament (which was sweet) but riding a season of auxiliary successes. Whatever the result at the end of the day – every one of those boys has won far more than a championship.

…and isn’t that the point?

Crayon Leadership

English: crayons of rainbow color (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An interesting awareness that came up during mediation this morning was this “A leader does not control others, their words, thoughts, actions, or deeds. A leader does not demand from others. A leader controls their own words, thoughts, actions and deeds, strives to live by example and allows others the freedom to discover their own potential.”

Then the next thought; how true that statement is of parenthood. We all want to raise great leaders of life and community but how willing are we to turn our parenting role into a true role of leadership to do it?

Thinking about when my children were little I remember spending hours with our green metal lunchbox stuffed full of bright bits of wax crayons and a stack of newsprint colouring books just waiting to be brought to life. “Let’s Colour!” it was a favourite pastime, and we did. We coloured dolphins and soldiers, puppy dogs and Easter Bunnies. We would cram together on a single book; grown-up colouring on one side of the spine, kid colouring on the other. A mini competition of artistic expression where grown-ups always fail because we know puppy dogs are brown, dolphins are grey and Easter Bunnies have pink ears.

There are two types of grown-ups that colour with children. The first type says “That’s beautiful sweetie!” the second type says “Stay in the lines.” There are two types of kids who colour with grown-ups; the type that colours in the lines because you told them to and the type that scribbles all over the page because you didn’t. Eventually both children colour in the lines, one because you told them to the other because they watched you do it. The end results are the same with the exception of the enjoyment level of both parties. It’s not much fun to colour if you are always worried the other person is going to make a mistake and it isn’t much fun to colour if you are always waiting for someone to tell you how you are doing it wrong.

It isn’t easy to control your own words, thoughts, actions and deeds. As a parent it is terrifying to watch your children make mistakes, take risks that can set them back and occasionally fail. Leading by example is hard. Leading from the back is a challenge especially as the kids get older, the stakes get higher and the consequences more dire. Terrifying maybe isn’t the best word, I like petrifying a little better. Being a leader for our children often scares us right into control and robs them of great opportunities to draw their own lines and fill their page with colour.

There is a great saying rattling in our home this week…Mike says “When nothing is going right, go left” it makes me think that perhaps when I’m having the most challenging time with parenting my young adults. Maybe I’m trying to control more than lead.

Family Days and Fat Food Happens

Pictured at left is a bowl of Family Day. I know it looks like an artery clogging heart stopping bowl of gourmet poutine; glorious homemade french fries cut from the finest Yukon gold potatoes the grocery store has to offer, sprinkled with near crispy bits of bacon, sweet golden brown caramelized onions, nuggets of white cheese curd so fresh they squeak between your teeth, warm and salty and blanketed with a luxurious laddlefull of maple bbq beef gravy. (napkins are on the counter)

Looks can be deceiving. Like I said it’s a bowl of Family Day.

Our family missed Family Day. Well, we didn’t so much miss it, it was more a failure to synchronize. We all knew it was Family Day but the efforts to celebrate caused more tension than harmony. In short we just tried too darn hard and pushed family togetherness right out the window. It is one of the greatest lessons in life and the one I struggle to remember all the time; Let it be, what’s meant to be.

Meant to be is what happened yesterday on the way home from a disappointing loss at the rink. Family harmony came to life in the back seat, an effort to lighten the mood became a game plan for what I coined Guilt Free Saturday (an effort to justify the ridiculous ‘what’s for dinner’ menu my kids were dreaming up).

The plan; an epic dinner to be enjoyed tv-side with a feature NHL game (Pittsburg vs. Montreal…you can’t make this stuff up)

What was on the epic dinner menu? Not vegetables. Maple bacon BBQ cheddar burgers sandwiched on bakery rolls and served with a side of gourmet poutine. Just reading it makes your arteries clog and your pulse race, internal conflict rivaled only by my natural instinct to  not fuel my body with poison vs. my desire to dive right into a day of indulgence and family fun. Indulgence won.

A quick stop at the grocery store for essential ingredients not usually on hand, namely burgers, buns, cheese curds, and bacon.  We arrived home with smiles and comradery. In the kitchen E helped cut and blanche potatoes, KJ precision fried the bacon and I sliced and diced onions, tomatoes, and cheese. Lula, whose favourite room is not the kitchen, kept the dog distracted from the aromas wafting from it. Mike, enjoyed an indulgence of his own, a nap…and we let him, because well…. we don’t let him very often and what better way to say “we love you Dad.” than to let the man rest up before his gourmet meal.

I set up a burger grilling station for E and he worked that George Forman like a grill master, cooking each burger to perfection then smothering them lovingly with Maple BBQ sauce to bathe in while they rested in the oven. KJ cooked a golden roux for the gravy and stirred the gently caramelizing onions. I soaked it all in, the cooperation, the intensity of heart to task, the verbal jousting, the ‘family’ that filled the air.

Anyone who tries to portray that their family is a living breathing cocoon of love, peace and togetherness is probably delusional and quite likely thinks you are an idiot. Families aren’t, they are places where people learn to debate and speak their minds, individuate themselves and become independent. Families squabble and slam doors, they cry and disagree, they push each other to be better and call one another out when they are being less than they are capable of. Homes are places where people learn to trust and take chances, get comfortable with who they are and who they want to become. Families are the thing that catch and comfort you when things don’t go how you thought they would and you need a soft place to heal.

The cocoon of love peace and togetherness is always there, rippling just beneath the surface of the chaos. It doesn’t surface because you will it, it surfaces when you won’t it. When you simply let it be.

Guilt Free Saturday, I would love to have them every week. Fortunately for my arteries and my waistline a family doesn’t readily support the idea.

This morning I am extremely grateful that I opted out of the burger stopped at a single serving of poutine and that the dog is up for a good long walk. I am also grateful that life sends you the lessons you need, when you need them the most.

Michelle

Just 5

Things I love from this week.

Okay there have been a lot of things I found to love this week, being “in the quiet” brings some really great things to your attention. Just 5 of my favourites here…enjoy!

1. This video posted by a friend, it is a great reminder that it’s the simple things

https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/photo.php?v=417758021631483

2. These words…

3.  Beautiful words and inspiration

4. Opportunities to expand…

5. Kids, who….

• wear pink shirts to school
• sit on the counter to eat their breakfast
• read books
• play with animals
• love music
• ask for help
• offer help
• cook chicken
• see the good in the world
• cry when someone’s story touches their heart
• would rather eat syrup than pancakes
• send ‘I love you’ messages
• celebrate success, their own and that of others
• make their own lip smoothers
• try to capture ghosts
• pour themselves onto paper, building blocks and clay
• build snow kingdoms
• plan futures
• live for the moment

Shhhh…

If you are looking for me this week, I am not far away, just gone…Into the Quiet.

I will be back

 

Come On – Get Happy!

An emoticon with a smile. For more emoticons in Wikipedia, see Wikipedia:Emoticons. 32px|alt=W3C|link=http://validator.w3.org/✓ The source code of this SVG is valid. Category:Valid SVG (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Looking to live a happier life? Follow this list of ‘happy life’ practices. It is based on the guiding principles of some of the happiest people I know!

Happy people…

…Take care of others

“The easiest way to find happiness is to find ways to make others happy.”

It is rare that happy people even recognise that this simple act is the cornerstone of happiness, they just do it. The acts do not need to be huge monumental sacrifices of great intent. Small acts of human decency are enough to change the world. Open a door, hold a door, let someone go ahead of you in line, call a friend who has been under the weather, offer to pick up your neighbour’s kids from school while you gather your own, little gestures of human kindness are like the earthquake that sparks the tsunami. Bringing happiness to others lightens your own heart; it makes you feel good, it makes you want to do more and more to spread more happiness to others. Happiness is cyclical.  Want another quote… “ a bit of scent from the flower lingers on the hand that gives it.” Happy people do things that make other people happy.

…Take care of themselves

Being at your best, taking care of yourself, leaves you with reserves.  It lets you give more freely of your time and attention because you don’t feel like you are sacrificing yourself by doing so. How can you take care of yourself? Follow the mind, body, spirit principal every day.

• Take care of your mind; read learn, listen, talk, get help when you need it, solve problems, do puzzles.
• Take care of your body; eat well, get enough rest, exercise every day, drink water, break a bad habit.
• Take care of your spirit; enjoy silence, meditate, spend time in nature, pray, reflect, read, spend time with people you love, breathe, cuddle, and forgive.

Fill yourself to overflowing in mind, body and spirit and happiness becomes the light you give off.

…Let go of the past to live in the present

Forgiveness is difficult for everyone. It takes work to learn to let go of hurt. It is also one of the very bravest and best things you will ever do for yourself, it is also the one thing no one can do for you, you can’t fake forgiveness, you can speak that you forgive but your heart feels the truth. So how do you forgive?  Forgiveness comes from being heard. Think about that for a minute. Think about someone or a situation that has hurt you, has the other person ever heard you, have you had the opportunity to tell them how you feel, do they know from your own lips that they have hurt you? Think about whom you have hurt, what you carry guilt about. Think about the person, have you ever given them the opportunity to share their feelings, have you made yourself available to listen? The opportunity to share and the strength to listen are quite possibly the greatest tools for forgiveness. We all just want to be heard. Forgive where you can, what you can and who you can. Don’t forget yourself, we often hold ourselves to more responsibility than others. Offer forgiveness to others by listening. If circumstances prevent conversation you can write, role-play, talk to a place or a thing. Every opportunity for forgiveness frees up space in your heart from negative emotions and leaves room for happiness to reside.

…Smile

Consciously. We all smile when someone says something to make us feel good, we smile when we remember something that brought us joy. We smile in response to another smiling at us. A smile automatically improves your humour mood and energy. If you want happiness… smile, it’s a little like the chicken and the egg; what came first? Sometime you have to put the smile on and the happiness will follow. Bonus side effect here: the auto response to a smiling face is to smile in return…see #1.

…Get Out into the World

Happy people are in the action. They turn off the gadgets and they participate in life. Join a club, volunteer, make plans with friends and family, go for coffee, go for a walk, meet new people. Make plans to look forward to; a movie, a date, a concert, a day trip, a trip of a lifetime. Put effort into creating a life to be enjoyed!

…Practice Gratitude

Recognizing all the things you have going for you in your life can change the way you see even the most difficult of circumstances. Put a practice of gratitude to work for you. In our home we began with each person sharing something each evening that they had to be grateful for from the day. You start there and soon you find yourself looking for the silver lining in almost every situation. There is always some good hiding, even in the darkest places. The practice of gratitude shifts your focus from the negative to the positive; it makes the glass half full and gives you hope. Appreciation of the little things is a very big thing!

…Chose an Attitude

Happiness relies most often on a very simple choice of attitude. Happy people choose to be happy. It’s not always the easiest choice but it is always the right one. How does choosing to be happy work? Think about this scenario:

You are standing in the express lane at the grocery store. There are 2 people in front of you and the cashier is struggling to get help with a price check on box of frozen spinach. The grocery clerk is doing his best to find the item and the price but it’s taking him a long time (frozen spinach is not in the produce department – he’ll know better next time.) The line behind you is growing, the fidgeting and moaning is growing, the guy in front of you in line is bordering on ‘I’m about to get vocal’. You are thinking about how late you are going to be and the cashier is avoiding eye contact with everyone because she knows you are all looking at her as the reason and the solution. The price arrives, the order gets completed and the line moves up. Frustration man in front of you ignores the apology of the cashier, shoves the money in her direction for his bagels and diapers and walks away. The air in the line is not getting better. Frustration man has just confirmed what everyone behind you in line is thinking ‘This situation sucks’. The cashier’s shift is on a downward slide. What happens if you take your turn to be checked out and greet the cashier with a warm smile and some friendly words?

What happens is that you change the attitude of the guy behind you in line, and he changes the one of the person behind him and the cashier begins to feel better too and you walk away knowing that your choice made a difference. Attitude is ever-present; choose one that affects the world around you in a positive way.

Seven simple things you can begin today to improve ‘Happy’ in your life and you don’t even have to wait for results, they are instantaneous!

Happy Valentine’s Day

Love. The one perfect gift we all have to offer and long to receive. Celebrate today – the love of lovers, the love of family, of friends of acquaintances and strangers. Share a message of love with every person you encounter today, even if the message is a simple silent thought of love and peace for their heart. Wear your love for the world on the outside today.

To love and be loved is enough to heal the world.

Dreaming the Hotdog Dream

This is a reprint post from “The Space Between Raindrops – first edition” but the time has arrived for course selection again and I think it bears repeating 🙂

Enjoy…

Dreaming the Hotdog Dream

The time has arrived in our world for Lula and KJ to begin selecting their courses for the next year in high school. I never panic too much about the process, I let them choose whatever they want basicly. I know that’s not how you are suppose to do it. I understand that you are suppose to work with them to develop a post secondary strategy and then guide them in selecting the courses that will get them to their goal. I understand that is how the good honor roll, ivy league parents get the job done. I also don’t care.

When E-man was little (or littler than he is now) he had one desire. He wanted to be a hotdog. Not the guy showing off on the basketball court or the hockey rink, or a guy who makes hotdogs, not even a guy dressed up as hot dog. He wanted to be an actual hotdog. A real live, lips and arsehole tube steak on a good old fashioned enriched white roll with ketchup. It was hilarious! In his defence he was not quite three years old and being a hotdog was as plausible as being a princess, a juggler at the circus or a mermaid. We got such a kick out of it we used to use him like a party trick… “Grandma, ask E what he wants to be when he grows up.” For 6 months anytime someone asked his answer was ‘A Hotdog’ there was no wavering. Something else that never wavered was the reaction. “That’s silly, you can’t be a hotdog!”

At first E was adamant that ‘yes he could so be a Hotdog’ he would argue and defend his dream. By the end of his 6 month hotdog dream he was answering with ‘I know.’ Looking back it kind of breaks my heart, he didn’t know he couldn’t be a hotdog, not until everybody told him it wasn’t possible, not until everyone told him that his dream was silly. Eventually he wanted to be a policeman like every other little boy.

We do this, in the name of securing good futures for our kids, we rob them of their dreams or rather opportunities to dream every day. We tell them what they should be pursuing, guide them away from pursuits that seem pointless, fruitless and time wasting. We redirect them and tell them them when they want to be a hotdog that their dream is silly and not achievable.

How on earth do you discover that you have a passion to climb a mountain if no one ever lets you wander in the foothills with a rope and a carabiner?

High school is an amazing opportunity to try everything and anything on. Where else can you be a chef in the morning, an account executive before lunch and an auto mechanic in the afternoon. I have one rule when it comes to picking courses. Pick whatever you want, as long as you go, as long as you give it your all. It’s your life, your choices, your future. If I steer your ship, you may never discover the land that excites your passion. There will always be time to reroute, pick up the courses you need and re-chart your course. They may very well be in high school for 8 years, I get that. I also get that is so much easier than waking up each and everyday heading into your job as a pharmacist wishing you were a hotdog.

Gratitude today for the freedom to dream.

“Dream, all things are possible for those who believe”

Michelle

Forget it

Yesterday was a difficult day for me. I had firmly planted in my brain that today was going to be even harder. And it was, for a little while.

Then this word crossed my desk…

Impatience

I have that!

I want things, I plan for them, I set goals and take steps everyday to move myself closer to them. Then they don’t come to me as quickly as I want them and I get impatient. I get impatient and forget everything I know.

I forget that you are only in charge of your desires not their arrival

I forget that you don’t always get what you want but it is usually because there is something better waiting for you.

I forget that buckets are filled a drop at a time

I forget that the best place to be is in now, breathing this breath and letting the future unfold according to a greater plan.

I forget that things happen for a reason

I forget that the reason is not always clear

I forget that I am exactly where I am meant to be at this minute

I forget that I am not alone in the world and I have a role to play in someone else’s story

I forget that we never remain in any place in life too long

I forget that the things I cried about in the past have shaped where I am today and made me a stronger person

I forget to trust

I forget

Impatience does this to me.

I forget to have faith

Yesterday was a day of impatience, today was a day of recognition, tomorrow is a day of growing in patience and practicing to breath…

…So I don’t forget.